I don't normally journalize this much, but there's a lot going on in my life right now. Today, I had a pleasant phone call with my mom. She's planning to come visit me on the Saturday before Christmas and she will bring my Grandma.

I hate that my mom has to spend money on me. I wish I could pay for her visit, but I have to put those thoughts out of my mind, for now, and focus on the pricelessness of the upcoming moment. 

It has been at least 6 months since I've seen my Grandma and maybe 3 months since I've seen my mom. This visit is overdue. (On a side note: I am very aware of the fact that many prisoners do not receive visits at all. How they survive, I don't know.) 

My mom, Grandma, and I share a special connection. Every time they visit, we pray together. The last time I opened the prayer, then my Grandma followed and my mom closed it. A special veeling came upon us and filled our little area of the visiting room.  It was love, hope, and peace. We believe I am approaching the end of my incarceration. My mom likes reading the portions of the Bible where it talks abotu the captive sons of Israel turning their hearts back to God and being restored. She and my Grandma were praying for me to see the light long before it happened. They were believing that when I did, God would use me. Now I'm in agreement.

At age 40 I am acknowledging that my life must include public service. I have been given gifts which must be put to serving a greater good. My mind is on what I will do next. Sharing my testimony could help a lot of people.

The chapel services at the California Men's Colony are announced at 8:45am. I was sitting outside today when it was announced-- talking to a friend, a new co-worker I recently loaned a book to. He is new to prison and had not been inside a prison chapel yet. I invited him to tag along and he did.

The chapel here is something to be commented on. It can boast of having actual pews and a real altar. Most prison chapels have to make do with folding chairs and tables. When we walked in I noticed a few new Christmas decorations. The chapel was decorated with a humble Christmas tree, wreaths, and a small Nativity scene. Seeing them stirred up warm memories and thoughts of what this season means.

Before Mass I prayed for a long list of people who came to mind. I tried not to be selfish, but a few of my own needs came to mind. Then I sat back in the pew and quietly collected my thoughts.

I imagined going to church services in the future with my family. I envision myself taking an active role in my local church after my release. Envisioning myself taking an active role has become easy since I enrolled in TUMI. Now I not only feel comfortable with the idea of taking an active role, I feel it is required of me. I must live out my faith.

When I signed up for TUMI late last year, I knew it would have an impact on my walk, but it has far surpassed my expectations. Sharing what I learn from them has become second nature-- see, I'm doing it again.  :-)

I am beginning a journal section [this is it!] so that you can follow some of my significant events. I assume most people do not know what it feels like to be in prison. But it is possible that, even if you do correspond with someone in prison, you'll find that my experience is different. Years of studying self-help books have changed the way I see the world and years of writing letters to my loved ones have taught me how to open up.

My thoughts and my heart do not fit into the stereotypical mold so you will probably find my journal entries to be of interest. You can be the judge.

Today I'm happy because I just found out that my novel has been made available on Amazon.com and Kindle. That news brought a sense of accomplishment and relief. I am enjoying the moment, but I can't stop and pat myself on the back for too long. Now is the time for me to focus on the next step: the promotion.

I have some ideas which are already written down and more which I could have typed up 3 weeks ago, but at the time I felt a little discouraged. Now I feel amped.