My girlfriend came to visit me today.  I feel euphoric.  The visit started at 9:20am and lasted till 3pm.  We hugged, prayed, ate together, laughed, talked and read the Bible.  When we needed to stretch our legs, there was a little patio connected to the visiting room where we could walk and hold hands.
I need to go home.  I already have a life outside waiting for me and I need to really start living.

Today I heard some read sad news.  My good friend Dan who lives just ten doors away from me, will not be going home.  The Parole Board found him suitable for release 6.5 months ago, but this week the Governor overturned their decision.
Wow!  I thought for sure my friend had it.  If you saw my friend like I do you'd be shocked too.  He is a lifer who has been down for nearly 30 years.  Incredibly humble.  Turned his life around over 20 years ago.  Devout Christian.  Involved in TUMI and active in the Protestant Chapel.
I know for a fact that if he had went home, there is no way he would have reoffended.  He had several job offrs lined up waiting for him and stable places to stay.
A lot of times it's hard to figure what the Governor is thinking.  As men who are in prison for serious offenses, we don't really have the luxury.  We just have to pick up the pieces.  All we can do is exhale and continue to work on ourselves.  That's what Dan is doing.
If you're interested in reading suitable but not released, Stanford University published an interesting paper Life in Limbo:  An Examination of Parole Release for Prisoners Serving Life Sentences with the Possibility of Parole.  To see it go to: http//www.blogs.law.stanford.edu/newsfeed/files/2011/09/SCJC_report_Parole_Release_for_Lifers.pdf.

Went to an AA meeting tonight.  It's the sixth month, so we discussed the sixth step.  About six participants came in from surrounding communities.  This is the only prison I've been in where Self-Help groups get so much outside support.
Years ago I went to AA meetings when I was in the California State Prison-Lancaster (CSP-LAC) .  There meetings held 10-15 inmates and we had 1-2 outside volunteers.  Here meetings are much larger.  80-110 inmates come in to every meeting.  The meetings are very organized.  There are yearly elections to determine who will be the Chairman, Vice Chairman, make the coffee, distribute the literature, greet, and set up the chairs.  It is a privilege to be elected and guys take their position seriously.
Most times, I just sit in the middle and listen.  I've volunteered to read and speak a few times, but I prefer to listen.  I really like hearing some of the guys speak.  I relate to what they've felt.  As they speak I connect, my emotional guards drop and I feel moved by stories of pain and courage.  I am always glad that I attended.
Today was good.  I like the Sixth Step.  It reads: we are entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character.

Today the morning started off with fog. Fog is a big deal in prison because it makes it difficult for the guards up in the gun towers to see inmates moving on the ground below. Therefore, the prison has fog procedures. 
During fog most of the inmates stay locked in their cells. The only ones allowed to go to work are designated "critical workers" and all movement is done under escort. They have to feed us, so that's done one tier at a time and under escort. After chow is completed we're all locked back up. Then the guards come around and count us.

My first day of computer class went well. I sat in front of a computer terminal from 8:00am to 2:00pm and took notes. I took short breaks as I needed them.
All of the lessons are self-paced. The instructor is not needed at all. All day long I sat at my terminal watching recorded lessons on the computer. I could pause and rewind as many times as I needed. 
I see I can even take the pre-test and the test at my terminal. For now I'm just focused on taking a lot of notes. I feel humbled and slightly awed by all the things I didn't know, and I'm excited to learn.

Now I am looking forward to going to my vocational class, but I can't go just yet because I'm waiting to receive a security pass which will give me permission to go to the part of the prison where the classroom is...

Toay I visited my old job so I could say goodbye to the group of guys I've been helping for the past year. My supervisor surprised me with a certificate of appreciation. All of the guys signed it and told me that I had made a difference by helping them. It was sweet.

I got a big surprise today. Without warning I was unassigned from my job as a teacher's assistant and assigned instead to a vocational class. I loved my job as a TA and planned to keep it for another year, so I want to resist the abrupt change.

Sometimes, as if out of the blue, people will tell me encouraging things like "Paul, don't worry. You're going home." In the past three months two guys have said this to me.
My friend Santos Pasillas said it a few times after hearing me pour out my heart in one of our groups. What really surprised me was when a guy named Rick gave me encouragement. Rick is one guy you'd never expect to hear something positive from. Maybe God told him to encourage me knowing that I needed it.